glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
