there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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