So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
