I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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