explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
