i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
