watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
