i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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