oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
