I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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