somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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