If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
