I'm so fucking centered right now
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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