What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
