he fucked my hip out of place.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
