just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize
