'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
