If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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