Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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