i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
