She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
