She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Can you bring me the toilet please
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
