Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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