I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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