I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
as a side note pls kill me
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
