We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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