it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
