wakey wakey hands off snakey
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Randomize
