I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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