ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
