Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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