the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
