So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
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