seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
