hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
