All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
