I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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