There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Randomize
