I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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