i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Enjoy the penises
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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