She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Randomize
