i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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