I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
