Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
