i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
