oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
