he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I need mimosas to revive my soul
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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