I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
So vagazzling was a success
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
