I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Randomize
