I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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