My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
