i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
